Circus is in town

I was riding back from Floyd a few weeks ago when I passed by the circus tent. People were filing in and a marching band was playing. Probably not a good sign that I couldn't tell if they were rehearsing or performing. I was soft pedaling through the crowd and a clown with a sad face painted on was giving me the universal sign to slow down. I thought it was a little annoying since I was hardly moving, and there was no other way to get out of the parking lot, but thought "ok, well, I guess there are a lot of kids around, and it's just a tiny inconvenience" so I started to slow down, got near the clown and apologized. She asked me a question I couldn't understand, so I stopped, thinking "oh great, this clown is gonna mess with me since I look like a clown all kitted up, etc". Her english wasn't too hot, and I could hardly und

erstand her but after a while I determined that she was asking if there was a bike store over there (direction I came from). I assume she saw all these people riding by and came to that conclusion. She was saying something about needing a new tire. I felt bad since all of these kids were walking by her, looking up, waiting for her to do something funny and she just kept asking where she could get a new tire.

goin postal

No, not a post about the recent stunning (sarcastic) allegations from Floyd, although maybe roid rage explains the postal worker phenomenon.  I was just in the Post Office on the Upper East side where the following interaction took place.  I was called to the window, very normal average 50ish white male says "does this envelope contain any liquid, any hazardous substances...."? I say no, a monotone (at first) monologue ensues.  He says, "look at those old women in line, what the fuck is wrong with them, old bats..."  His voice is becoming far more effeminate.  "That one that was behind you is ready to start some shit, she better not start it with me, old bitch, I'll punch her in the goddamn neck. I don't know if she is trying to look sexy, or missed her fiber this morning.  So, we have to ask everyone this question, does your envelope contain any liquid or hazardous substances"  I say no, he says "I know, I asked you already, I'm telling you a story.  So, I ask one of these old bitches that, and she yells, no!  I tell her she better keep her panties on and not fuck with me.  Have a good day."

When I get back to the office I have a text from my wife, who is living in Portland for the summer, which says: "a woman just inched up next to me at the curb so that her umbrella would cover my head."